The year 2009 was an emotional year, to say the least.
Before I get into why, I need to fill you in on a few things...
When I was 15 years old, I met my very best friend in the whole world, Sarah. We both wanted to try out for the high school cheerleading squad and our Moms took us to the information meeting. We both made the cheer squad and from then on, we did just about everything together. We even worked right next door to eachother and would take our lunch break at the same time just so we could eat together. I used to joke that when we grew up, we would be next door neighbors. Unfortunately, we live at opposite ends of the country right now.
We went our separate ways during college but always kept in touch. After college, I was engaged within six months and married my college sweetheart in the small courthouse where I worked at the time. Sarah and I re-connected in Washington after college and while I awaited my husbands return from overseas. She would meet me for lunch or bring me coffee at unexpected times. Anyone who knows Sarah, knows she is one of the most generous, kind, sweet people you can ever meet. She also loves her coffee.
By the end of 2008, Sarah had been swept off her feet and had fallen in love with a man/christian/soldier by the name of Andrew McConnell. They had met in August, 2008 and I knew he was a good guy when he sent me a facebook message letting me know he was going to propose to her. They were married, in true military fashion, at a courthouse followed by a small intimate ceremony. I encouraged her from the beginning that she would love Army life. She had the perfect personality for it. Independent, outgoing, social...she could handle it. Andrew was lucky to have found her and he knew it. He adored her.
That brings us to 2009.
The year started off with a dream come true! I was pregnant! I was over the moon excited and I was so happy that I was going to be a mom. My husband had just returned from 14 months of absence and it seemed as if our lives were finally moving forward. We had been living very different lives. It felt as if God had finally taken his finger off the "pause" button and hit "play". Life was good. We found out we were having a baby girl and the baby naming games had begun.
Then, on May 22, 2009, my husbands brother, was in a fatal helicopter crash. Josh (my brother-in-law) survived, but his co-pilot was killed when their apache helicopter had an engine malfunction in Afghanistan. His co-pilot was a father and husband. Initial information that we received painted a very grim picture for Josh. It felt surreal that this was happening - like we were going to wake up and realize it never really happend. We were told his face was injured, that his cheek bones were possibly broken, and that his legs were badly injured. He was taken to Germany and eventually to Walter Reed Army Medical Center. The weekend he arrived back in the United States, was the same weekend Sarah and Andrew were having their wedding reception back in Washington state. So the whole family flew to be with Josh, and I flew to be Sarah's maid of honor. That is a decision I have never regretted. That was the day Sarah told me that she was going to be a mom too. Knowing Andrew was getting ready to deploy, I remember thanking Andrew and Sarah for the sacrifice they were about to make in the speech I gave. {Note to family: Many of you met Andrew at the 4th of July barbeque in 2009 when Josh was recovering from his injuries.}
On September 14, 2009, one week after Tennyson was born, I was sitting outside of Ireland Army Community Hospital at Ft. Knox. My mom went to get the car and told me to sit and wait since I had just gotten my staples removed from my c-section. I looked at my phone and I had just missed a call from Sarah. I called her back and she asked if I got her message. I said that I hadn't listened to it yet. I never imagined that she would ever say what she said next. She said that two men in green suits had just come to her door and told her Andrew had been killed. I wanted to be there - right there in that instant. She was all alone and my heart broke for her broken heart. My heart broke for the sweet baby growing in her belly that he would never meet on earth. He was gone from her almost as quickly as he'd come into her life.
I remembered this silly little analogy I had told her about to try and ease her worry that anything bad would happen to Andrew. My husband had told it to me before he left for his first tour and I've always remembered it. I told her to imagine each soldier that is deployed is a penny in a big jar full of other pennies. There are tens of thousands of pennies at any given time in the jar. The odds that Andrew's penny would be picked was so small. When she told me he had been killed I remember thinking to myself, "his penny was picked, why did his penny get picked!?".
The point of me telling you about Andrew, other than the fact that he is an American hero that EVERYONE should know about - and remember - and be deeply grateful for the sacrifice he made for this country, is the bond I believe he shares with Tennyson. The two of them were only on this earth together for five days. Five. Days. It should have been longer. But in those 5 short days, Sarah was able to tell Andrew about Tennyson and they prayed for her together. When she received his belongings, she found that he had carried Sarah's favorite bible verse in his pocket. He'd had some change on him, a few pennies. He also had one dime - ten cents. Maybe I read too much into those things, maybe I find significance between things that aren't there. But I don't care. It brings me so much comfort to believe that Andrew is my daughter's guardian angel.
Have you ever seen the video for the song, "If I Die Young" by The Band Perry? If you haven't then you should watch it. I love that song. And while I realize it is sung from a female's perspective - I can't help but think of Andrew when I listen to it. "The sharp knife, of a short life, I've had just enough time...". Just enough time to know true love. Just enough time to give Sarah his only daughter. But in the music video, the book on her chest, the green one - did you see what it said on it? It says, "Tennyson". (As in the poet Alfred Lord Tennyson).
Watch the video here
One of Alfred Lord Tennyson's more famous quotes is: "Tis better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all". Fitting for Sarah and Andrew's love story, I think.
The days following Andrew's death, my heart wanted to be in two places at once. I wanted to be with my best friend at a time when she needed me, but I also needed to be with my sweet little baby that I had only known for 5 days.
Tennyson was having "roller coaster" days. She'd be doing great, then she would be doing poorly. She couldn't hold her temperature. She had moments where she would have seizures and stop breathing. She couldn't suck to eat by mouth. She was being fed through a tube in her nose. Our world was almost unrecongnizable from the life we had lived one week prior.
This blog is about my daughter Tennyson May. Always remember, though, there is a guardian angel named Andrew watching over her...
e-mail me at tennsense@gmail.com for questions or feedback. I read it all.
