"When it comes to parenting, more isn't always better. When you give too much to your children you're not allowing them to feel the satisfaction that comes from making life better for themselves. Some struggle is good. Encouraging our kids to earn their privilege through hard work is one of the greatest gifts we can give them" - Dawn Raffel, Reader's Digest
I tore this quote out of a Reader's Digest the other day while I waited for an oil change. When I read this, I wondered if I am preventing Tennyson from reaching her full potential. It spoke to me because it's something I have been struggling with as a mom lately.
I want Tennyson to be able to do more than blow kisses and kick her feet on command.
I do everything for Tennyson. I carry her everywhere. I change her clothes. I change her diapers. I place toys in her hands. I manipulate her tiny fingers around them and shake them in hopes that one day she will see she can do it without my help. I try to explain what I'm doing while I help her so she learns ("let's put your socks on...where do your socks go?...they go on your feet...where are your feet?....there they are!"). I'm sure if she could talk she would tell me to be quiet.
How do I help Tennyson feel proud of herself? How do I empower her? What skill can I teach her that she can do without me? She does not sit, walk, stand, or talk yet, but she's smart - and I'm not just saying that because I'm her mom.
I realize in the neuro-typical world, people judge a person's intelligence by their physical and verbal capabilities. Before Tennyson, I did too. I didn't know any better.
What I also realize now, is this world moves much too fast for Tennyson to keep up. She tries to do what you ask of her. She wants to interact with you. All too often, though, people move on to the next action just as she starts to process the first. A beautiful mind, in a body that simply won't cooperate. Oh, what I would give to know what she is thinking.
Her lack of skills is not for a lack of trying by any means. She's been in therapy since 3 months of age. She still receives 8 therapies a week. She works harder than any child I have ever known. She is beginning to show her own frustration through emotional meltdowns, which gives me a whole new set of worries.
Special needs parents know what I mean when I mention the importance of taking advantage of a child's young age. That's when the brain is making connections and learning basic skills they will use for the rest of their education. In the beginning, we were told, the hope for Tenn to catch up with her peers was by the age of two. Two and a half years have passed, however, and I still feel like I need more time with her while she's little.
So what do you do to empower your children? I would love to hear some ideas and suggestions from both parents of special needs and typical children. Please share. Maybe I can adopt some suggestions to help Tenn.
Amy - tennsense@gmail.com
Amy - tennsense@gmail.com
You are such an inspiration Amy! I was so much better with Mason than I have been with James. I know you get frustrated and mad, but you also must have the patience of a saint! I use positive re-enforcement and just encouraging them to keep trying. I also think it's important to let them know it's okay to be frustrated, it's a part of life. Both of the boys like doing puzzles and they feel so proud when they have finished one on their own, always puts a smile on my face.
ReplyDeleteI am going to school to become a physical therapist assistant. We have been covering CP and other neurological conditions this semester and what strikes me most is that no label can describe a person. Having CP may change the life your daughter has, but it doesn't define her. I think it is amazing that you are so involved in her development and that you are thinking about what you need to do to help her be the best she can be. I was fortunate to have three healthy little girls, but I went to a highschool that mainstreamed many CP students - at the time I didn't realize what a privelege it was for me to be surrounded by such inspiring and perfectly NORMAL kids who simply had difficulty getting their arms and legs to do what their brains wanted. Just encourage your daughter to try, to be herself, and to remember how amazing she is. Be there as her mother, her supporter, her encourager, her cheerleader. Love her, and let her love you. <3
ReplyDeleteI am a mother who has a child with CP. The doctors said he would never walk, talk, feed himself or anything else for that matter but he does it all. He rolled over when he was 2 because I was patient and kept rolling him slightly until he did it on his. He started to crawl when he was four then he went to walking crouched. I worked with him on dressing himself, feeding himself, holding utensils, a pencil, writing and so forth. I never put him in special ed, always fought for him to be in regular classes and now he is 16 in high school making A's and B's. He has lost the ability to walk because of the way his feet has grown but he does for himself. You just what you can for your child and just let them know they are no different from everyone else that they only do somethings a little differently than others. Love her, cherish her, encourage, and just know that God is the one who will in the end be the one who determines what she may or may not be able to do in this life.
ReplyDeleteAmy, you are an amazing mom. And I love Carronia's comment. What you said about allowing Tenn more time to do the things that you are trying to get her to do I think is key (not just in years with milestones, but with each task, allowing as much time as she needs). Also, setting her up for success in all the tasks will be the most rewarding for her. I'm sure you already know this stuff, and I'm sure you're her best therapist after watching hours upon hours of her therapy.
ReplyDeleteI don't have a lot of experience working with kids, but have worked with a lot of adults with neurological injuries/disorders and I think you can find hope in the fact that the brain never stops growing and building new neurotransmitters. For example, we've come a long way with Stroke rehab in that they used to think people wouldn't recover as much as they have the potential to recover and therapy is now used beyond that 6 month or even 2 year window. As you know, she will probably have periods where she has steady progress and then hits a plateau for a while before she starts to make more progress again. This will happen throughout her life, there is NO limit.
You're an inspiration, Amy! And I can tell by your blog, you're doing a fabulous job of raising a smart, loving little girl :)